Fill Me or Kill Me – Joel and Linda Budd


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Joel and Linda Budd pastor Rivergate Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I first met them in Argentina several years ago. We have become good friends. They have just published a book on their story. Their story is amazing and will be a great blessing to you. I highly recommend you read “their story.”

Paul L. Cox

Following is an excerpt from Fill Me or Kill Me.

One morning I was in my office early and the
Holy Spirit came upon me. I stopped what I was
doing and said, “Holy Spirit, I just bless what You
are doing.” The power of God came on me so
strongly that I fell to the floor and began to shake in
His presence and groan. I took one of the pillows
from the sofa in my office and buried my face in it
so no one would hear me cry out as I interceded. I
thought, If my secretary hears this she will call 911!
That went on for about an hour. As the Spirit
lifted and I began to come to myself, I began thinking,
Joel, you’re losing it. You are just too far out. Just
then the phone rang. I managed to get up and pick
up the receiver. My secretary said, “Can you take
this call? It’s Chris.” Chris was a young man from
our church who had moved to California to start a
Vineyard church there.
Forcing my voice to sound normal, I told her yes.
With tears all over my face I said flatly, “Hi Chris.”
“Joel, what’s happening to you?”
Just then I realized if it was about 8 a.m. our
time, then it was about 6 a.m. his time.
I said, “What are you talking about?”
He said, “No, I mean right now, this morning.
What is happening to you?”
I thought, I’m still in the closet. I don’t even
have a language for this. And so I lied to him and
said, “Nothing.”
He said again, “No. No. I mean right now, this
morning, for the last hour or two. Something deep
is happening to you. The Lord has revealed it to
me. Something powerful is happening to you. Joel,
what is happening to you? I mean, even just before
I called?”
I struggled to keep my composure for a minute
and then lied to him again. “Nothing.”
He said, “Joel, ever since 4 o’clock this morning
when the Lord woke me up, He has been talking to
me about what He’s doing in your life. Come on,
Joel. What’s happening to you?”
I started to cry and I said one more time,
“Nothing.” And then it was almost like I heard a
rooster crow and a voice said, “You said, ‘Fill me or
kill me,’ yet you are embarrassed of Me. You are
rubbing up against it, but you are being religious.”
Chris went on, “Joel, the Lord woke me up this
morning and I keep hearing him say, ‘Call Joel Budd
and tell him, “You’re rubbing up against it.”’ He
told me that He wants to sweep across North
America and the world in a great outpouring, and
you are rubbing up against it. Does this make any
sense to you?”
Chris was putting into words what was happening
to me in the Spirit, and it was so confirming and
liberating to hear him say, “You are rubbing up
against it.” Totally broken, I wept and said, “I don’t
want to rub up against it. I want to get in it! I want
to get all the way in it! I’m tired of playing safe. I
lied to you. I am rubbing up against it!”